I stink

I can't interview.



I am not just saying that, either. I just really stink when it comes to a major career type interview. Something in my brain just shuts down or freezes. Not sure which, but something is definitely happening in there.



Today's interview was very so-so. I am certain I let two of the people pulling for me down because I was such a nervous wreck who babbles when she is nervous and interviewing.

Part of the problem is when I expect something and it isn't the way my mind thought it would be, I get all flustered inside and can't turn off the words in my mind. Suddenly I get nervous because my mind is chattering to me and then I freeze. I was driving home for 1 hour 45 minutes after the interview trying to analyze what the problem really is.



One good thing is that I definitely do NOT come across as a know-it-all, confident, pushy person. Quite the opposite. In fact today after the first question and I had omitted a huge part of my degree/experience/credentialling, the chair of the department looked at me as if to say, "what else??"... she prompted me asking me to name my credentials and then all of a sudden it popped into my head that I have a school administrator credential. Yes, that is what I spent 3 years in graduate school getting a masters degree for, for God sake. Um... knock, knock, is anyone home in that head? I am certain some or all of them thought, "Dumb blonde, doesn't even know what degrees she has earned." I, of course, felt stupid and then the chatter started in my head...

Head: Well, that is just great, you babbling idiot. You missed a huge piece of the puzzle that is you, now didn't you?

Me speaking in my head: Oh no, I must look like a complete dork

Head: Well, you blew it. That was only question 1 of 15, this will be interesting.

Me in head: Uh oh, they are going to ask me another question I will answer stupidly.

Interviewer 1 of 15: "Tell us what you think about the theory of best practice and how you would use the theory and best practice in teaching students and administrators."

Me in head: Huh? What? Theory? Uh-oh, I don't know how to answer this question and we just started this interview.

Me out loud but quietly to the guy interviewing next to me: "Will you go first?"

Head: Well, that might have saved you, now you have time to hear his answer and figure out what that question is all about.

Me in head: I don't know what to say, I don't know what to say, I don't know what to say, ....

My answer was stupid I am sure, but I don't know what I said, because I was busy having a conversation in my head while I was answering the question.

Head: Look at Steve, he looks mortified for you.

Me in head: Oh no, I am making him look like he was backing a total dumb, clueless blonde.

Head: He's probably going to be mad at you

Me: Great. He's been such a good mentor and this is how I repay him? By looking stupid?

Head: Shut up, next question is coming now.

Interviewer 2 of 15 "Blah blah blah diversity blah blah blah"

Head: You didn't hear that did you?

Me in head: I heard diversity, but I can't stop looking at Dr. T and Dr. C and thinking I have let them down.

Ugggh. This went on for about an hour.

Then I had to do my research presentation on powerpoint.

Just teleport me to my bed, I stink.

Department Chair: "Thank you for spending your afternoon with us, we will be calling you this weekend to let you know what we decide."



What I should have done is ask for accommodations so I could answer the interview questions on paper. I would have blown them away then. Darn, too late.