Grab a cup of coffee

if you plan to read this post. Also, make sure you have about 10 minutes to waste. I have a feeling this is going to be a very long one. I have a zillion things whizzing around in my head and I feel like I need to get them out so I can get on with my normal life.

First, let me begin with apologies. If I didn't know me and was reading this, I might think I was a rotten spoiled brat. If you do know me (then you aren't reading this blog because my family doesn't know I have it) you know that I have had my share like everyone of struggles in life. I just won't bore you with those right now. hahahahaha

The last 24 hours have been a rollercoaster of human emotions for me and my family. Here I sit in my RV in the driveway (that is about as far as we go these days....storage to driveway, clean dust out, storage again) on my laptop. My windows are open, the weather is sunny and 70's, looking at the front of my home that I finally love, 3 daughters inside, 2 asleep on the family room couch since they stayed up late watching scary movies and the other downstairs playing a wolf computer game, husband watching football because of his work football pool (he's not a fb fan normally), my 2 dogs in here with me because they want to be wherever I am, Kobe on the couch, me at the dinette table, and Smush on the front dash where she can see the world. All is really right with my world. I have a job interview with the Provost on Thursday that could make me permanent full time faculty member at the university instead of adjunct. We have our financial struggles like everyone, but we have pretty safe jobs right now, so we are not in immediate panic like so many are here. I have hormone issues, but I really have nothing to complain about. I just feel wiped out because of the last 24 hours.

We stumbled upon a newspaper story about a week ago about a german shepherd dog that was rescued along with her 11 newborn pups. We ran home and found the website and webcam that was on the pups 24 hours a day. Well, along with that came about 25-30 women who have been watching these puppies since they were born. They had an online community chat and were as they called themselves "cyber aunties". How cute. I got on and said hello to them and for one week, they welcomed me and Sierra too with open arms. They were even rooting for us to get one of the puppies after we filled out an application for one. We personally visited a fundraiser where the pups would be to see them and to see how Smush would react. She was fine and Sierra fell madly in love even more. The foster mom said that Jedi would be a good match for what we were looking for and what our situation was. He was staring at us across the cage too and so we knew that was THE ONE! As the week went by, we chatted with the aunties and they were pulling for us to get this puppy. All week long we waited for a phone call and pretty much spent about 10 hours on line each day watching them. I even went as far as to put them up on the big screen in my university class while my students were playing a quiet game that gave them time between rounds. They killed time by watching the pups. Pretty clever, huh? I got to teach and watch pups all at the same time. Ha!

When forever families were coming to pick pups, we were sitting by the phone waiting and to make a long story short, we were rejected by the board of adoption because we didn't answer our home phone. The founder told us on email that in order to take care of a puppy, someone has to be home and if we didn't answer our home phone all the times they tried, then we obviously were not at home. Herein lies that pain of all of this. I gave them 3 numbers, home, cell and cell. They said in the email that they tried home and cells many times. Home yes, cells, no. They actually lied to us. We did some investigating and went on our phones and AT&T website to see data of missed calls. Not one from SDiego area. Last night as we walked on the beach with Smush, Mike and I were talking about it. We understand that they would want someone home to care for pup around the clock, but they made an assumption that was completely incorrect. They assumed that since we didn't answer our home phone *it is our fax line after 4 rings*, then we must by lying about being at home. The truth is, they did not call our cell phones at all. They didn't tell the truth about that. And, we are home more than any family with 2 full time jobs that I know. We just have our cell phones with us. The home phone is in the nook and we work in our office at home with our cells. Here is our schedule in a nutshell:
Monday: Mike works from home all day, I am with students, Debra is cleaning, night we are all there. Tuesday: Mike home all day, I am with students, Debra cleaning, we are all there at night. Wednesday: I work from home, Mike is at APU, Debra cleans, girls come home at 2 and all 3 of them are there at night while Mike and I teach classes at different campuses. Thursday: I am working from home, Debra cleans, Mike is at APU, girls home at night, Mike and I are home all night. Friday, we both work from home and we don't do anything so we are home all night too :(
Saturday, all of us home except during Sierra's soccer game and the dogs come to that. Sunday, (today) we are all home dreading the upcoming week and cleaning the house, yard work, etc. This is our life on a daily, weekly, basis. If we aren't at home, we are walking dogs or going to the beach taking dogs. I only recently got Debra to help clean because I told Mike if I have to have 2 full time jobs and get the Ph. D., then I have to have someone come in and help. This is the first time this has ever happened with me and the past 2 months that we have had her have been heaven, although we have had to cut back big time because I haven't been hired for that 2nd full time job yet! eeek. I feel like I have to explain the helper because it is truly an extravagance. We both come from low income backgrounds so this feels funny to me.

In a nutshell, we are home almost all the time. Someone is! They made a judgement about us that was so very wrong based on the fact that we don't answer the home phone. Home phone calls are usually always sales calls and we just don't have time with our jobs to run across the house to answer the phone before the fax goes off to talk to solicitors. With that being said, it hurt our feelings and it devastated Sierra because she had even said that our application was so good, that how could they possibly say no to us? So now, 24 hours have passed and Mike and I had time to hash it all out. We just said that is was a shame, they made incorrect judgements about us, they were dishonest about the calling of our cells, we understand that they only want the best for the pups and so do we, and now our carpet was saved from pee and poo stains. Not to mention my mom won't haunt me from the grave for getting another puppy. We will snap out of it and I'm sure Sierra will too. We just blamed ourselves for getting her all excited about it. We had been saying no to another dog for years now since her GS obsession started, but this story touched all our hearts and we felt like we could provide the perfect, loving home for a puppy. The fact that we watched the cam religiously and filled out the application was a huge tease for her. Her cyber aunties were pulling for us and she felt like with them in her corner, how could it not happen? Probably the sadness we are feeling now has to do with what we did wrong as parents in hurting Sierra with our going along with her excitement. I'm sure we will feel badly for that for a long time. Meanwhile, the puppies are great and the new families looked like they were perfect. As hard as it is as a human, as a Christian educator, I know that what God wanted to happen happened and disappointment is a normal human emotion. We don't always see right away why things happen, but later we often do. Right now with my career up in the air, I may just have too much on my plate when I start job 2 and Ph.D. God knows what we can handle. And as much as I am a stress eater, I would probably weigh 400 lbs. by the time I finished the program. Now how much of a disaster would that be?

The puppies are where they are supposed to be. Sierra is heartbroken. We feel guilty for getting her excited just to be let down. This too, shall pass.

I have to say, though, that meeting these "cyber aunties" has been so good for me. These are women around the US and world who have been so kind to me and to my daughter. I probably feel sad that the pups will be gone and my visits with them will be gone too. I would love to go have lunch with all of them, laugh, and talk about all our dogs. They are truly loving people.